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Parenting in 10 Easy Lessons (o no…) – Altavooz

Parenting in 10 Easy Lessons (o no…)

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1) To experience pregnancy: Be hung a bag of chickpeas up to the belly, adding a handful every day for nine months. After nine months, open the bag and remove the 90% Chickpeas.

2) Before jumping to have children, look for a partner who already has them and submit them to study. Critique methods to discipline, lack of patience, their appallingly low tolerance levels, and for allowing their children to behave like savages. Suggest ways to improve the behavior of children at bedtime, go to pee or eat. Leverage, will be the last time you will have all the answers.

3) To get an IDEA of how the evening will, get a wet cushion between 4 and 6 kilos, salon and travel worn on arms, without sitting, from the 5 pm until 10 pm. At 10 release the cushion, set your alarm to ring at the 12 and sleep. When the 12 sound the alarm, get up and walk back to the pillow around the room while singing lullabies in the dark. Repeat the 2 AM to 4 AM and to the 6 AM. Optional: At 4 AM can take a drive with cushion. Follow this routine for 5 years old. Always put a brave face.

4) Is it possible to put up with kids in the house? To find out, slather Nutella on the sofa and jam on the curtains. Hide a piece of battered fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer. Put your fingers in the pots and then drag them on clean walls. Draw on the stains with crayons. Buy 5 doberman puppies and let them romp in her bedroom.

5) Dressing small children is simple: First, buy an octopus, ask the greengrocer a net bag and try to enter the octopus into the bag so that it does not leave any holes by tentacles network. No. is aflija, you can spend all morning.

6) Schoolchildren: Keep a box of eggs (empty). Using scissors and a pen, turn it into a funny crocodile. Now put together a package tetra-brik, a ping-pong and a package of empty cereal and build an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. Begin this work at 11 pm, that would be the time when he learns that IS TOMORROW. Excellent! Now wait for the teacher reviews.

7) Change the two-door car by a truck. And do not wash anymore. After all, is a family car, no resale value. Buy a chocolate ice cream and crush it in the glove. Goal Two coins 10 cts. in the compact. Buy a family pack of cookies dulces. Crush them a good time on the rear seats. Exit the car, and scratched both sides of the vehicle with the key. Perfect!

8) Go to the supermarket. Bring the closest thing to find a child under four years (an adult goat is ideal). If you plan to have more than one child, take two loose goats. Make shopping for a week without losing sight of the goats. Hold discussions with managers of supermarket security, climbing the ladder (but always without losing sight of the goats). On arrival the manager, supermarket change.

9) Darla eating a nest: Buy a melon, vacíelo, and make a small hole in the side. Hang it from the ceiling and give a blow to swinging. Now take a plate with mashed pumpkin. Try to get inside tablespoons pureed melon, while pretending to be an airplane. Keep trying to finish half of the puree. The rest, pour over her lap, and sprawl on the floor rather.

10) The Toilet of the creature: Get an adult cat (preferably callejero the semisalvaje). Put on your best suit if male or stockings and high heels if female. Fill the bathtub with warm water and rubber toys. Then enter the cat and wash with shampoo. Then rinse and towel dry, follow the procedure previously indicated with octopus and net bag. Repeat every night for 5 years old.

If you manage to overcome these steps, you can have children at any. The rest is the best thing that can happen in your life.

Source: Gomaespuma

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